


Before my Eyes

by MikoAkako



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-06
Updated: 2012-06-06
Packaged: 2017-11-07 04:28:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/426913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikoAkako/pseuds/MikoAkako
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If I had the breath to laugh, I would have found it funny that my last memories before slipping away into oblivion were about you, Roxas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before my Eyes

I look at you across the room from me but a stab of pain makes me look away. Pain is not a normal sensation for me and I flinch away from it. You look at me, your face a mix between horror and fear. I smile and make a vague, mocking statement. The words hold no meaning for me but you seem to relax. Then the pain overwhelms me and the world goes black.

\-------

_You really don't remember?_ It's not so much a statement as a fact. They warned me you weren't the same, but I fought for you. I wanted to believe you hadn't deserted us. But you just looked at me with an uncomprehending face. It was at once familiar and completely foreign.

 _It's me._ I tryed to get my eyes to convince you to answer. I just needed you to say my name. Then I would hold out my hand and you'd take it. We wouldn't need to go back to the Organization. We could have run away together, just the two of us forever as we'd talked about in the safety of our rooms. The same blank look came through your eyes.

_You know, Axel._ You just repeated my name back. A question. My name on your lips caused me to shiver, not with joy – who knew I could feel such joy! – but with anger. I thought you promised to never forget me. You'd said you were going to find answers, but all you found were fake memories. I lost the little patience I had possessed and certainly all anticipation.

_Talk about blank with a capital 'B.'_ I didn't mean to say it out loud, but your answer angered me so much. Anger is something I am all too familiar with, but not because of you, never because of you. I continued to insult you, finally we fought, but it caused me no pleasure and was half hearted on my part though I could tell you were trying your best. Before, you easily bested me. Before I wouldn't have dared cross you for, though you didn't pick up a sword often, you were lethal. I left, the memory of the last time we'd talked playing through my head.

\-------

 _Your mind's made up?_ I knew that nothing I could say would change your mind. I could beg you and make you remember all your promises to me, but that would be a low hit, one that I am not willing to commit. I knew you would have stayed if I said those words, but you would always wonder and never be happy. I wanted you, but not chained. That knowledge made my course of action clear.

 _You can't turn on the Organization!_ I didn't see it in your eyes but I knew my words were having the desired effect. You were pulling away, further than you already were. I was glad you didn't turn around. If you had seen my face you would have known I didn't mean what I said. You can't turn against me! was written all over my face. You always did say I wore my heart on my sleeve. I almost smiled at the joke, but the pain of reality was too bitter. I couldn't let you know I cared about you still. In our last fight I swore to never care about you again. So I used the Organization to drive the rift between us further. Pretending that is the most important thing. Still, I had to give you some warning.

_You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!_ You didn't seem to care about your life, but surely you know I did - do? Even as I used the words to taunt you into leaving, I knew they were true. And it scared me to know that I would be their weapon of choice. I who knew you better. And would I have dared disobey the Organization? Even if it was for you? 

I watched as your shoulders stiffened and longed to take you in my arms and tell you how much you mean to me. The moment passed and you spoke the words bitterly – _No one would miss me._

_That's not true…I would._ You didn't hear because you already walked away and the words were scarcely more then a whisper. I felt as if a knife stabbed me when I realize what I just did. I drove you away and drove the rift between us further then we could ever fix. What hurt most, though, was the arrogant way you just dismissed me. Arrogance, I knew, was your way of hiding the hurt.

\-------

If I had the breath to laugh, I would have found it funny that my last memories before slipping away into oblivion were about you, Roxas. But then again, I suppose it was the only thing that made sense – you were my life. Even if I was yours only for a heartbeat. 


End file.
